The CulinaryWoman Newsletter for 8/27/23

The custom of comforting mourners with food

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Comforting Mourners With Food

Note: this post may be too poignant for people who have recently lost loved ones. Feel free to skip over it to the rest of the newsletter. Hugs to you.

Since the Covid pandemic began in 2020, more than 1 million people have died. Others passed away due to unrelated causes, including members of my family. The grieving we have collectively experienced has made people acutely aware of the fragility of life, and has become a factor in the workplace, as I wrote in a Washington Post column.

In the midst of all our mourning, plans had to be made to feed people. It is a comfort, as well as a responsibility. Customs vary in the United States, according to geographic location and faith.

For generations here in the Midwest, the Christian tradition was several days of viewing, alternatively called “visitation,” or a wake. Family and friends came to a funeral home, viewed the body, and shared their condolences. There might be cookies, candy or coffee served in an anteroom.

More recently, viewings have been cut back to one day, and sometimes the family simply receives mourners right before a funeral service, especially if cremation is taking place. After the ceremony, there is the question of the funeral lunch, or repast, as it’s alternatively known.

I honestly don’t remember what my family offered after my father died. I was too young and most likely too numb to pay any notice. I remember several days of viewings and welcoming far flung relatives to our home, and neighbors deluging us with food. Our Danish neighbor made us several dozen pastries which were a huge difference in quality from the kind I knew from bakeries, and I remember them to this day.

Zingerman’s to the rescue

When my mother was in her final weeks, she dictated to me from her deathbed where she wanted her lunch to be held and what she wanted us to serve. She had in mind a sit down meal with champagne at the Ann Arbor City Club, where she had been president.

After she died, we ran into a complication, however: both the club dining rooms were booked on the day of her funeral. Greg, the manager, was distressed that the club could not provide my mother’s lunch.

So, I turned to Zingerman’s Catering, which came to the rescue. They set up a buffet in the club’s library with tea sandwiches, macaroni and cheese, apple cobbler and small pastries. We added two cases of champagne. (That’s Greg on the left with my brother leading a toast, above.)

As you can read in the latest version of Satisfaction Guaranteed, I watched not long ago as Zingerman’s Roadhouse deftly handled a funeral party of 64 people who arrived unannounced and asked to be fed.

Normally, the restaurant’s limit for a walk-in party is 24 people, but the managers managed to find a space, put together a selection of lunch choices, and serve the entire group. Applause broke out among the front of the house staff and in the kitchen when the final entree left the pass through from the kitchen to the server.

Restaurants with celebration experience

Another place where Ann Arbor people go after funerals is Knight’s Steakhouse (the original location on Dexter Avenue). I have watched dozens of people climb the stairs to the balcony, where tables are often pre-set with water, silverware and sometimes salads for their arrival.

We hosted a large table of guests at Knight’s a few weeks after my godmother Maxine died in January, 2022. It snowed the day of her funeral, which prevented some people from coming and made it difficult to reach her internment. So we invited family, friends and her caregivers to return for a memorial lunch.

My brother hosted a similar memorial meal at Genitti’s in surburban Northville, Mich,, after his wife Lisa died in 2021, and we recently went there to commemorate another family member’s transition.

Genitti’s prefers not to call these funeral lunches: it uses the term “celebration of life.” In a typical week, it holds two of them, for which it charges $19.99 per person, plus tax, and a 20 percent gratuity.

It’s a bountiful meal, ranging from chicken soup, salad and pasta, to roast chicken with lots of vegetables, and dessert. Soft drinks are included, and there is a cash bar available. Guests are seated at long tables (shown above) and the food is passed family style. The communal experience provides a warm note on a sad day.

New Orleans traditions

I did not attend a funeral when I lived in New Orleans, but there have been several high profile ones lately. Last September, New Orleans said goodbye to Moon Landrieu, the former mayor and patriarch of the Landrieu political family. This past week, Mayor LaToya Cantrell buried her husband Jason, who was born in Detroit, went to Bishop Borgess High School and Eastern Michigan University, where I got my first job and took my first year of college classes.

I asked

Liz Williams

from the Southern Food and Beverage Museum to tell me about customs there. People might be familiar with post-funeral second line parades in which the family forms the first line of mourners behind the casket, while every one else is in the second line, along with musicians.

Second lines, which originated in the Black community, are now conducted for anyone who can afford one, whether exalted or humble. The custom has spread beyond New Orleans, too. I attended the funeral service in Washington D.C. for Federal Reserve Governor Ned Gramlich, which had a second line.

These celebrations are sometimes are held as memorials a few weeks later, rather than immediately following a funeral. I watched one for author Anne Rice from my balcony last year, held on the one-year anniversary of her death.

Liz says it became a tradition for food stands to pop up along the route to the cemetery, which served two purposes: feeding mourners who might not have eaten before the service, and providing an income opportunity for the vendors.

Initially, the city’s French aristocracy hosted close family at their homes, or at the home of a friend who had the most space, she says. “The older tradition was that you would go to someone’s home, and they would have a feast” after the funeral, as well as during the days of the wake.

As up north, it is becoming more common to have funeral lunches at restaurants, private clubs or to have them catered. It is also common to have food on hand for wakes. “And of course, there’s drinking,” Liz says.

New Orleans has another death-related tradition that I find fascinating. On All Souls Day, following Halloween, relatives go to the cemeteries to clean their family crypts and put out fresh flowers. (You could seen this in HBO’s Treme, as well.)

With that finished, out came the food.

“People took picnics to cemeteries and had lunch with their dead relatives,” she says. “We didn’t have the Sleepy Hollow attitudes about cemeteries” as frightening places.

Says Liz, “It was a very social time. People remembered their dead relatives but did it with a picnic.”

Dining in the days after the service

In the Jewish and Muslim faiths, it is traditional to bury the dead as quickly as possible. Both faiths have mourning periods afterwards. Jewish mourners observe a seven-day practice, called “sitting shiva” in which friends visit the family at home, always bringing some sort of food gift.

Zingerman’s Mail Order has a whole bereavement category, as does Zabar’s, whose offerings include bagels and babka. I’ve sent a mix of Zingerman’s gelato and Go Ice Cream, which is now available on the mail order site. (Friends have told me they hide the frozen treats until after the shiva guests leave and enjoy them in private.)

Muslims observe a 40-day mourning period, during which visits as well as food are appreciated. Shatila Pastry in Dearborn, Mich., is a favorite source for boxes of pastries such as baklava and bird’s nests.

Whether in person or from a distance, food is universal comfort at times of grieving. These traditions bring friends and family together and perpetuate memories of the lost loved ones.

If you have customs or memories to share, I would like to hear about them.

Roark Capital Gobbles Up Subway

For months, Subway has been rumored to be on the selling block. Last week, the U.S. sandwich chain finally reached a deal with Roark Capital.

That might not be a familiar name in the fine dining world, but it is a behemoth in casual dining. I was startled to read the list of brands that Roark owns.

According to Jonathan Maze of Restaurant Business, Roark owns or will own the sixth, eighth and twelfth largest fast food chains, namely Dunkin’, Subway and Sonic.

It also owns (roll call): Arby's, Auntie Anne's, Baskin-Robbins, Buffalo Wild Wings, Carvel, Carl's/Hardee's, Culver's, Flower Child, Jamba Juice, Jim 'n Nick's, Jimmy John's, McAlister's, Miller's Ale House, Moe's, Nothing Bundt Cakes, Schlotzsky's, and Seattle's Best. These are either outright ownerships or major stakes, and Jonathan notes that Roark is a big investor in The Cheesecake Factory.

And, Jonathan tweeted, it owns Two Men and a Truck, which moved me to Boston, Orange Theory, Massage Envy, ServiceMaster and Meineke, among others.

It is fascinating to see a single ownership organization above all of them. For an experiment, you might drive down an avenue with franchises where you live and see which ones are Roark owned.

The High Hat Has New Owners

On Friday, New Orleans was startled by some big restaurant news: the High Hat Cafe has been sold.

Founders Chip Apperson and Adolfo Garcia sold my beloved hangout to a pair of veteran New Orleans restaurant figures, Fredo Nogueira and Ryan Iriarte.

Ryan worked at the High Hat for its first 10 years as a manager and creator of the bar program. Fredo has been the executive chef for the Cure Co., which has grown from the original Cure craft cocktail bar to three places. He plans to remain in that role and let the kitchen at the High Hat run itself.

As Ian McNulty wrote in his story for the Advocate Times-Picayune, the High Hat is only 12 years old but it feels like it has been there forever. The High Hat, along with Cure, led a revival of Freret Street that I’ve enjoyed witnessing.

As for me, I had a photo shoot at the High Hat, and I’ve taken friends and visitors and ate there at least once a week during my year in New Orleans. (That’s public radio’s Jeremy Hobson out front.)

We’ll see how it goes, but it sounds like the new guys will honor what Chip and Adolfo created. As a commenter said on Instagram, “Good luck, and don’t change the fried chicken.”

British Groceries Aiming For Back To Work

I’ve always felt British groceries were head and shoulders above their American counterparts in prepared food. I’ve gotten delicious items to go at Waitrose, Co-op and of course, Marks & Spencer, which operates a line of prepared food shops called Just Food.

Now, as British companies push employees to come back to the office, food wars are breaking out to capture the returnees’ business. The Times of London reports that Waitrose is offering its first-ever lunch deal with a drink, main and side dishes, for £5 (about $6.31 U.S.).

The move brings Waitrose into line with the other major supermarket chains including Tesco, Sainsbury’s and Morrisons, which all offer lunch deals. The Waitrose deal actually will be the most expensive. Tesco, by comparison, offers a main, snack and drink for £3.90, or £3.40 for Clubcard members.

Wouldn’t it interesting to see our urban supermarkets step up with similar deals? Are you listening, Whole Foods and Trader Joe?

Young People, Less; Older Ones, More

A new Gallup poll on Americans’ drinking habits found that adults aged 18-34 have reported drinking steadily less every year since 2001, while Americans 55 and older are drinking steadily more.

According to The Takeout, the number of young adults who say they “ever have occasion to use alcoholic beverages,” has fallen from 72% to 62% of respondents since 2001. However, the 55-and-up crowd that drinks alcohol has increased from 49% to 59% in the same timeframe.

Among younger consumers who do drink, those consumed an alcoholic beverage within the past seven days is down to 61%, down from 67% back in the 2001-2003 time period.

Younger people’s health concerns around drinking have significantly increased. Some 52% of respondents in that group now think that even moderate drinking is unhealthy, whereas only 34% thought so just five years ago.

While it wasn’t explored in the survey, I have a theory why younger people are drinking less: choices. This generation grew up hanging out at Starbucks. Boba tea places are flourishing across the country and bars everywhere are offering zero alcohol drinks like the ones I enjoyed at Bar Chef in Toronto, above.

Drinking habits are usually established early, and if your friends are getting milk teas and Phony Negronis, you might join them, too.

A Postscript On Our Fee Discussion

After my recent essay on customers’ resentment of restaurant fees and surcharges, I came upon a story in Washingtonian magazine. It seems tempers are running high there.

Give it a read here.

Keeping Up With CulinaryWoman

For The Takeout last week, I wrote about the university starter kit filled with cooking gear that I discovered at IKEA in Toronto.

On the Lions, Towers and Shields podcast, we did a recap of The Palm Beach Story, which is some panelists’ favorite Preston Sturges film. (Mine is Sullivan’s Travels.)

You can find me:

Email: culinarywoman (@) gmail dot com

Web: www.michelinemaynard.com

Instagram: (@) michelinemaynard and (@) micki_in_nola (devoted to New Orleans posts)

Thanks for stopping by. I’ll see our free subscribers next Sunday and paid subscribers tomorrow with Red Beans & Advice. Covid strains are spreading again (a dear friend recently came down with it) so make sure your vaccines are current. Stay well.